i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who died my cat blue again?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
