Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
