the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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