Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I want to make a zoo with you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
