i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
