all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
