I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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