he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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