you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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