can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
