Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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