you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish i was in the wii world.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why is your signature on my underwear?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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