I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
