the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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