i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
