she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We have so much sex to catch up on
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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