Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
