so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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