I love black thongs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
