Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize