i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize