I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
