so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
