oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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