new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
