the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
