I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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