Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
