the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Damn victory sex feels great
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
