Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
