i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
