I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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