he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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