dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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