Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
