dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize