This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
