At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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