Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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