Umm I'm too high to move.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
