Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
