Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
