Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
