how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
