First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
