are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
