Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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