that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
