I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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