I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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