I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
