I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
