We won't sleep together?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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