I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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