Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
