Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
