My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
