ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
