3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize