drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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