If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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