I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize