I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
