you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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