She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
