I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
