Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
