i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
