Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
