Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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