Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
