Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
