Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
