Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
