im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's blow job season.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
