I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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