Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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