you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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