need another drink. this is the easiest way
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
