porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
